What is a Blessingway ceremony?

A Blessing way is a spiritual tradition used to mark any time there is change in a young woman's life. These times can be her first moon time, graduation from school, marriage, or birth.

The Basics of a  Blessingway

Take into account that this is to be an extra meaningful celebration honoring the woman entering into a new stage of her life.

Attendees:  preferably keep it small 6-15 guests.  Don't invite anyone out of mere courtesy, but make sure the guests are people who really mean something to you and contribute positively to your birthing, life, or parenting experiences and are supportive of your philosophies.  These people often include your mother, sisters, or other close female relatives, best friends, midwife and/or doula. People you would feel free to share your deepest thoughts and cry with.  This isn't the time to invite Aunt Edna who you only see at funerals, weddings, and the like.

Location:  Preferably at one of the guest's home, or your own, that has a calm, peaceful, and relaxed feel about it.  If this is not an option, a park or some other serene setting can work.

Atmosphere:  The atmosphere should be something akin to a candlelight dinner.  Consider playing relaxing music, like a massage CD, or the honoree's favorite album.  Also burning scented candles, incense or essential oils can immediately trigger a wonderful response by the guests and leave them with a sensory memory of the occasion.  Turn off all the phones and pagers.

Food:  Typically a blessingway consists of food with some meaning behind it.  For instance you can request that each guest brings a dish that reminds them of their mother or comfort food.  Or you can have everyone bring a dish that represents the woman’'s favorite food groups.  For example, if the mother's favorite food is chocolate, have everyone bring a chocolate treat.  The point is that is it something homemade and from the heart. Keep it happy, health and holy.

Activities:  There is an array of activities to choose from or customize them to the mother's preference. 

Mother-Centered Baby Showers:
Celebrating Pregnancy, Birth and Motherhood

Blessingways are celebrations of pregnant and adoptive women and their transition into motherhood. These special mother-centered gatherings offer friends and family a fresh approach to honoring, supporting, nurturing, and encouraging mothers-to-be.

A birth Blessing way is a special time for a pregnant woman. Sometimes her friends will have a blessing way as well as, or instead of a typical Baby Shower. With a blessing way the emphasis is moved from traditional gift giving to offering blessings for the baby and family. During a blessing way ceremony the woman's close female friends are asked to gather together to honor her and her baby. Guests are usually also asked to bring a few special items to "gift" to the mother. The gifts should include a candle for her birth altar, a string of beads, crystals, feathers, etc. to be hung onto a sacred piece of driftwood for the baby’s birth mobile. Women may also want to bring a special bead, which would be strung along with everyone else's and made into a bracelet for mom and one for baby. Sometimes a seed is brought to represent something special, such as a quality the mother has or to tell a metaphorical story of strength. Seeds can say a lot! Also a special item to place on the blanket or alter. This item might represent the woman's own birth that was positive for her, or something special that gave them strength, a gift or a blessing for the baby, and last but not least food for the feast after the ceremony is also a welcome gift.

During the ceremony there are several important rituals observed. The first is to have every woman smudged with a combination of sage, sweet grass, cedar and tobacco, sometimes lavender is also used. This is a way of cleansing the energy and preparing the woman for the sacredness of the ceremony. At this time either the woman's mother, sister, closest friend, midwife or Doula would place the pregnant woman in a soft chair or cushion and her hair is taken out and brushed lovingly. Her hair is then rearranged into a different style and perhaps flowers are added for beauty. This is to symbolize the change that she will be going through when she becomes a mother. Next her feet are washed in a bowl of water and lavender flowers and essential oils. This is to represent a washing away of all her fears. After the washing the feet are dried off and placed in a bowl of soft cornmeal, there is nothing more wonderful than to have your feet massaged by loving hands with cornmeal! This prepares her feet for the long journey ahead of her. During this time there is much singing and drumming by the entire gathering of women. Next, the pregnant woman might choose to have her belly painted or perhaps a henna design might be used instead, this is more permanent and can be a delightful reminder of the night! Sometimes a belly cast is made to preserve her pregnant form.

There are many other traditions that can be used, or perhaps you might want to make up your own. Belly dancing is a fun way to close the ceremony, or chanting to draw energy or closing it with something in the goddess tradition is also wonderful. Either way a blessingway is truly a unique and spiritual way to honor mother and baby. After the ceremony sometimes dads, partners and kids would be invited to the feast. At this time blessings for baby can be offered by the men and children, they can be hung on a special tree or hung inside for the couple to remember the evening by.

Modern Blessingway Definition

In our culture there are so few ways to honor the mother to be. We make an attempt during baby showers, but for the most part this turns into a simple showering of gifts for the baby and does nothing for the mother in terms of the rite of passage she is about to go through. This sacred time in the mother's life deserves more than gifts of car seats and baby wipes.

While baby showers can be more commercial in focus, the Blessingway serves up a refreshingly sharp contrast.  There's no booty of pink and blue gifts. The Blessingway is about the woman we know best - our friend and sister, the mother-to-be.

And while society seems eager to chuck aside the mother in favor of holding a cherubic gurgling baby, a Blessingway provides the mother with memories of a true show of support from her Loved ones.

Blessingway 'Rituals'

You want to make sure that whatever you do at a Blessingway, it serves to strengthen and uplift the mother-to-be. Some women are very open to the suggestions below, others like to do something a little more mainstream, such as a day at the spa or going to a 'paint-your-own-pottery' place.  Be open to customizing activities to suit the mother's definition of being uplifted. 

Request that each guest bring a special bead to string on a necklace or bracelet for the mother to wear until and through labor.  A nice way to approach this ritual is by sitting in a circle and passing the cord, each guest adding a bead, or beads for each number of children they have, then the mother can add a final bead after the birth to represent her own child.  The necklace or bracelet symbolizes the strength of our shared experiences as mothers and women. I prefer the idea of a birth mobile where each women design a string of beads, crystals, feathers, etc. to be hung on a piece of driftwood. I find that most women do not wear the bracelet because it is not convenient or comfortable. All for the rest of your baby’s life will enjoy the Baby’s mobile.

Similarly a ball of beautiful string (hemp is durable and works well) is used to connect each woman's wrist to one another's in the circle - a web of womanhood. Claim your lineage by stating I am granddaughter of _________, daughter of _________, mother to _________, grandmother to ___________ etc. When the cord connects all of you, explains that this unites you all as sisters and represents the circle of sisters and the circle of life.  Then you cut the cord, leaving enough length to tie the ends into a bracelet.  Explain that though it appears we were then separate, the bracelet reminded us as women, we were all cut from the same ball of yarn.   You may suggest that the women wear the bracelet until the birth as a reminder of the strength a group of women can hold for a birthing mother.

Candles.  Either making them as a group or giving them as a 'party favor'.  The reason being is that all the guests will be asked to light the candle when they are notified that the mother is in labor and will leave it lit until the baby arrives.

Belly Casting is another ritual that can be very fun.  Either to have the guests cast the mothers belly and chest, or to have the cast already done and ready for the guests to paint or decorate.

Painting the mother's belly with henna. 

Themes to consider for henna painting and cast decorating:

Hair brushing and braiding is another way to nurture and pamper the mother.    If there is a brush that is, for example, an heirloom this can act as a way to connect the mother to her female ancestors.  Adorning her hair with flowers can also help connect her to Mother Earth.

Song.  Such a wonderful way to invite a loving spirit.  Many women like to have each guest sing a lullaby their mother used to sing or one they have used with their own children. If all the guests are familiar with one particular song, say a lullaby, spiritual or hymn, this can also be sung together as a group.

Sending away your troubles and fears by having guests voice them, write them on paper, and then burn them from a bowl and sending them away. I prefer a list of affirmations to be written by each woman and placed in a special box/basket to be read on a daily basis by the mother-to-be until the baby is born.

Storytelling.  Either of each woman's personal birth stories (but beware if you think horror stories will be passed around.  Remember you are strengthening and uplifting the mother!), or stories of how each guest knows the mother or inspirational stories of each guests relationship to the mother - how they met her, what drew them to her, why she was important to them.  This can be done during the hair brushing or foot washing or during candle lighting.  This can also take the form of poetry reading or reciting an inspiration story or fable, and either have just one read or invite the guests to bring a poem or story of their own to read.

Quilting.  Probably one of the oldest forms of female rituals.  It's very meaningful to ask in the invitation for each guest to bring a customized quilt square that tells of a certain quality the mother possesses.   Either assemble the quilt at the blessingway, or assign a friend to complete the quilt and present it to the mother and baby after the birth.  This will become an heirloom that tells a story about the mother.

Keepsake Journal.  This can be passed around during the foot washing or hair brushing for the guests to write down inspiration thoughts or poems.  After the birth the mother can write of the baby's birth story. 

Compile a 'nurture basket'.  In the invitation, instead of baby gifts, instruct the guests to bring a gift that would uplift, inspire, or nurture the mother.  This can be gift certificate for a massage or restaurant, bath goodies, books or journals, framed quotes, drawings or photos, luxurious robes or pajamas, teas or chocolates, etc. 

Be respectful of the mother's religious preference, if any. If all the guests are of the same religious background, these aspects should be incorporated into the blessingway.

Make sure to take pictures of the event.

Bride-to-Be Blessingway

Celebrating the Transition into Love & Marriage

Blessingways are celebrations of women and their transition into marriage. These special bride centered gatherings offer friends and family a fresh approach to honoring, supporting, nurturing brides-to-be.

What is a Blessingway ceremony?

A Blessing way is a spiritual tradition used to mark any time there is change in a young woman's life. These times can be her first moon time, graduation from school, marriage, or birth.

A Bride’s Blessing way is a special time for a woman. Sometimes her friends will have a blessing way as well as, or instead of a typical bachelorette party. With a blessing way the emphasis is moved from traditional gift giving to offering blessings for the soon-to be husband and wife. During a blessing way ceremony the woman's close female friends are asked to gather together to honor her. Guests are usually also asked to bring a few special items to "gift" to the mother. The gifts could include candles, massage oil, bubble bath, the Kama Sutra, etc to be presented as part of her honeymoon basket. Her friends may also bring a special item to place on the husband & wife’s altar. This item might represent the joys of marriage that was positive for her, or something special that gave them strength before their wedding such as a poem, a photo, a crystal, etc. and last but not least food and wine for the feast after the ceremony is also a welcome gift.

During the ceremony there are several important rituals observed. The first is to have every woman smudged with a combination of sage, sweet grass, cedar and tobacco, sometimes lavender is also used. This is a way of cleansing the energy and preparing the woman for the sacredness of the ceremony. Everyone will be anointed with oils. The women will gather to do some yoga to move our energy together and free the spirit. At this time either the woman's mother, sister, closest friend would place the bride-to-be in a soft chair or cushion and her hair is taken out and brushed lovingly. Her hair is then rearranged into a different style and perhaps flowers are added for beauty. This is to symbolize the change that she will be going through when she becomes a wife. Next her feet are washed in a bowl of water and lavender flowers and essential oils. This is to represent a washing away of all her fears. After the washing the feet are dried off and placed in a bowl of soft cornmeal, there is nothing more wonderful than to have your feet massaged by loving hands with cornmeal and essential oils! This prepares her feet for the long journey ahead of her. During this time the women can choose their Fairy Cards and offer the bride-to-be her favorite fruits for her enjoyment as they share stories. Next, the bride-to-be might choose to have her hands painted with a henna design that is more permanent and can be a delightful reminder of the night! Other women who may want their feet tattooed with henna can join in the fun. Sometimes a group picture is taken to preserve her memory.

There are many other traditions that can be used, or perhaps you might want to make up your own. The bride-to-be may wish to have a tarot spread to have some insight into her marriage. Dancing is a fun way to close the ceremony, or chanting to draw energy or closing it with something in the goddess tradition is also wonderful. Either way a blessingway is truly a unique and spiritual way to honor the bride.